Quotes From My Life

This is a collection of funny quotes from my life that I like to read from time to time for a giggle.

While I’m ranting about Steven making me mad about something….
Mom:Emily, don’t be so mean to him
Dad:That boy should have ran when he had the chance…
Me:That’s his fault! I tried to tell him I was mean, but he wouldn’t listen!

Whitney:(Talking about Steven and I) Sis, you guys could do a tv show. You need to do another Newlyweds.

“I wouldn’t trade you for all the chickens in Arkansas.” -my daddy

Mom: “Emily, what are you doing?”
Me: “I’m scratching his head.”
Steven: “It feels good.”
Dad: “She’s organizing cootie races!”

“Do you think it’s like a requirement that if you have a thing down here, you have to have a black toilet?”
-Lauren, talking about the bathrooms in the buildings downtown

“because my facebook says so…”
-Lauren…apparently Facebook is the new rule book for life

Michael: “Man, Jessica Simpson is on tv! She’s hot!”
Steven: “Man,that’s my girlfriend with blond hair. She thinks just like her!”

Steven: Woah, Miss Andretti!
Me: What? I’m only going 60?
Steven: Okay, but I was referring to the speed at which you reached 60!

Steven: Slow down, Miss Andretti! I’m slidin’ all over the place back here!
Me: Well, if you had on your seatbelt, you wouldn’t have that problem. Would you?
Mike: You’ve gotta lean into the curves with her, man.
Steven: Hang on, man. She’s qualifying for NASCAR.

(Steven swerves the car across the road and back.)
Me: WOAH! WHAT THE? WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
Steven: (nonchalantly) There was a bug.

(While watching The Notebook)
the movie: “Well, that’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch, and i tell you when you are being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99 percent of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and your back doing the NEXT pain in the ass thing.”
Steven: Sound familar?
Me: Shut up.

Me: “Babe! Don’t put the horsie on upside down!”
Steven: “Sweetie! It’s ON your tire! When you start your car…it’s going to TURN!”

Steven: (Gives me a ‘you didn’t just say that’ look) Geez, Jessica! I really know how Nick Lachey feels…
Me: Shut up! I can’t help it!

“I’m not woo-hoo’n him!” -Lauren

“They put my cat on anti-depressants!” -Emily H.

Lauren: “I don’t have any tennis shoes that tie.”
Mom: “Yeah! That’s a good idea. You should take him!”

“We got a defective dog.” – Steven

Me: “At least I can say those were intentional, well-thought out purchases. I don’t think you can say that for your $300 ticket!”
Dad: “Son, I hate to say she’s right, but I think she has a point there.”